A part of me still finds it impossible to believe that the Crack Fox is Julian. xD
I find it easy to believe, but utterly scary, because same as Rudi or Howard, Crack Fox has parts of Ju’s real personality. If you saw his old “I WILL KILL WHOLE YOUR FAMILY WITH A TEA SPOON AND PEEL OF THEIR FACES AND WEAR THEM ON MY FACE LIKE A BIG FAT FACE MWUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAA!!!!” stand ups, then you realize how INSANE he can get when he gets the chance. The man is a potential maniac.
I never thought of it that way! And it’s certainly true. It’s interesting, too, because at first glance, it would seem that Julian abandoned that extremely manic/morbid style of comedy when he met Noel. Although the Boosh did always have a touch of dark comedy, it wasn’t until the third series that it really became so apparent. No wonder I find the Crack Fox both terrifying and hilarious. I always thought the same of Julian’s old stand up. xD
I feel sick, nauseous. I’m so furious at everything, all the time and sometimes it hits me with such force I have to lie down and curl up into a ball just to keep breathing. It paralyses me.
I’ve always been a rather messy person, but I can get borderline neurotic about scrubbing off coffee stains from the kitchen sink and I have a panic attack if someone moves my things from one spot to another. I often feel like crying but I can’t set myself off in the fear of not being able to stop.
The hate that I feel, the fury that burns inside me is not only for my surroundings: I feel it for myself too. My mindset has been reverting back to what it was two years ago; I’m in and out of love with living; I’m in and out of love with dying. I can’t believe I let it happen, at the same time knowing rationally it wasn’t my own doing.
My medication isn’t working. The roller coaster is as strong as ever with the slow and short climbs up and the sudden downward spirals that come and go so fast I feel physically dizzy. And all I ever do is sit by the stove with a cup of tea and a cigarette. I turn to my imagination because I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. In this house that doesn’t feel like home any more, when it’s always been the only place I’ve ever felt safe at, I keep trying to dream to feel at ease.
In my dreams I’m a different kind of me. I’m somewhere else with someone who makes me better, who allows me to feel and accept that I am not to be blamed for my past and the sickness. But of course when I snap out of it and I’m just me and I’m back here without that someone… I remember when I was five years old and got lost in the shop, separated from my mother for a few minutes. The feeling is similar to that.
My head aches constantly going back and fro between dull thuds with every heartbeat and severe lightning storms right above my eyes. I’m not afraid of losing my mind and losing control, I’m already on the brink of stabbing my wrist with a knife every time I make dinner. I’ve started to agree with the small voice in the back of my mind that whispers to me that being a big disappointment one time is better to everyone around me than letting them down a hundred times for the rest of my life. If I ceased to exist, I would only be a bad memory once they got over it.
I don’t want to say these things out loud because they will scare the people I care about. And yes, I know there are people who think of me as important and that they love me. But instead of helping me, it only makes much worse to know that I keep on being a fuck up and hurting them by not being good enough.
I did not ask to be born. I did not ask for this life I’m wasting. There are people without a home, people without physical health, kids who are starving, and kids who don’t have people who care about them. So many people who would deserve the good that I have. It makes me hate myself even more.
I am a rotten excuse of a human being.
I’d never even seen this photo before! And how perfect is it? (x)
literally took 30 seconds.
Signed and signal boosting.
it’s weird how i’ll marathon an entire series without stopping but if someone tries to make me watch a youtube video that lasts longer than 30 seconds all i can think is “i don’t have time for this”
Look at the sincerity in his face! He’s so sincerely sorry he hurt Howard. He’s a bit indifferent about the toddler, because that baby was a dick.
It’s almost like my computer screen it’s the only thing between us
Yes. Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable. I’ll just… go lock the doors and windows so you can never leave. Ever.